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[Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 @ 4:53pm] |
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i knew how this day was going to end up before it even started.
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(make it snow)
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| so |
[Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 @ 12:01pm] |
im very bored.
its very nice out.
ive been working on homework all morning but i really dont want to do any more
today i dont have to work and i dont have class til 6.
nadir too. but hes at wayne studying, i think. i texted him but he hasnt said anything back. that was like a half hour ago..
aggravating. i just wanted to spend my day off with him. cuddling or something. or shopping. i just like to be with him. idk if he understands..idk if he feels the same way. its probably just be over-analyzing like i always do. i think about him all the time.
so the summer semester is about half over. after this class i'll have my associates in GRD..from OCC. im so scared. i feel like no one takes OCC seriously. what if i just wasted 2 years of my life. and all the hard work. what if after i get my degree, nobody wants me?
and now im crying. great.
but i went through the whole program. i should feel like ive accomplished something but i dont. i feel like i dont even like it anymore. i dont know what im going to do..
i see nadir and erin and adryan and kevin and other people.. theyve got their whole thing layed out for them. they take these classes, they earn this degree, they work in this place of business. if theyre not good enough then they just learn more and theyll get hired. i feel like you cant prove that youve "learned" how to design. theres no right way, no right answer. and who decides if youre good enough or not? what is "good enough" anyway?
nadir has his life planned. this and this and this is what i need to do in order to be a pharmacist. there is a road. there is a pathway for him to go down. he works in the field. hes basically set up to be great. and here i sit. i look lazy. he asks me what im doing next year and every time i say "i really dont know" because i dont. and i feel like it hurts our relationship. cuz his future is like secure i guess. and i have no idea what mine looks like. and he cant see himself with someone who has no drive or future. i know that. i feel the same way. but how do i get to where i want to be?
i want to be with him. he said our futures are more important than our relationship.. which makes me feel great, right? idk. i mean i understand. we both have to be successful and if our relationship is holding us back, then we need to not be in it. but i dont want to not be in it. i dont want to lose him.
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(make it snow)
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[Thursday, April 30th, 2009 @ 1:13am] |
im in such a crappy mood
found some things out about someone
which dont even matter, really.
so im wondering why i feel so hurt.
like i want to vomit. or cry.
but i have no reason to feel the way i do
im just so grossed out.
but it doesnt realy matter.
so why do i care?
someone tell me.
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(make it snow)
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[Saturday, December 8th, 2007 @ 3:18am] |
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ive become a girl i told myself id never ever in my life turn into.
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(make it snow)
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| its been awhile.. |
[Friday, August 17th, 2007 @ 10:09am] |
so my hatchetman undies definetly do have magical powers.
that day i posted that i was wearing them, troy came home early from the gathering.
i was in shock.
haha i opened the door, saw him, and shut it.
i guess i didnt believe he was actually there =]
but he was =] =]
good thing too cuz i was goin crazy.
we went camping for ashley and lisas bday
some parts sucked
some parts were hilarious
like tryin to set up that damn tent
haha we were laughing the whole time
and we cooked a pizza =] it was good
and there were scary maybe-tutles in the lake.
idk that theres more to write.
my dad comes home sunday!
which is good cuz i miss him
but i kinda like the on my own thing.
eh, whatevv.
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(make it snow)
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| i think my hatchet man undies have magical powers. |
[Saturday, August 11th, 2007 @ 2:40pm] |
i wore them today hoping to channel troy
it worked
he called
yay =]
troy said its really hot there
and the concerts are good
he has a surprise for me =]
and i was like did you meet shaggy 2 dope? and he was like kinda.
hehee
christ has lost his voice haha he sounded like an old man
i want to lose my voice.
its was easy to go from not doing anything all day to hanging out with troy every day
but it sucks to reverse everything
what would i ever do without him?
i guess i would post on livejournal several times a day, thats what.
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(make it snow)
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| im actually getting kindof upset.. |
[Saturday, August 11th, 2007 @ 6:46am] |
its now been 2 days since ive talked to troy
im holding up better than i thought i would..odd..
yeah i survived without him for 2 weeks when i went to europe
but i called him (at least) 2 times a day, every day.
christ has called kacie..why hasnt troy called me?
and when i say 2 days, i mean nothing, not even a text.
christ hasnt even texted me, which isnt surprising since hes not my bf..
but last night i texted him asking if they were even alive.
i mean come on, give me something
i have no life.
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(make it snow)
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[Friday, August 10th, 2007 @ 9:45pm] |
i guess on a lighter note..
i got my adobe CS3 programs.
they were $600
thank you michigan =]
and im finally happy with my layout
ive been changing it so much
we'll see how long this one lasts.
p.s. i still havent heard from troy.
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(make it snow)
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| im sad =[ |
[Friday, August 10th, 2007 @ 6:49pm] |
Troy is in illinois and i havent even gotten a text from him in over a day.
hes not getting a cell signal or anything
i miss him alot
christ is able to text but not always able to call apparently
i asked if troy could use his phone to call me later and he said maybe..
i wish i could talk to troy. even a text from him saying i love you or i miss you or something. just something to let me know hes thinking of me..
im so bored. ashley's up north and my dads not even here to keep me company.. i wish there was someone..
this sucks.
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(make it snow)
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| eeeeeeh!! |
[Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 @ 11:07am] |
IM GETTING MY ADOBE PROGRAMS TODAYYY!!!!! =] =] =]
=[ and troys leaving for the gathering.
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(make it snow)
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[Tuesday, August 7th, 2007 @ 2:15pm] |
i feel mostly all better now. less..crap-like..
my dad's in cali for 2 weeks
hes actually letting me stay by myself.
had a bonfire last night with troy and kacie and christ
and me and kacie went swimming, it was pretty cold =/
haha i had to make the fire cuz christ's never made one without lighter fluid
im excited for my birthday..idk why.
christ suggested we all go to canada.
idk if it was a real suggestion but i think itd be fun.
im gonna be nineteen! =] that means i can drink in canada
even though i wont lol. designated driver!
i miss canada cuz we didnt go on the 4th of july
i wanna go to point pelee.
OCC is starting soon.
have english on the 30th
need to get my books. tomorrow ill go.
im so excited cuz im getting my adobe programs tomorrow too!
the MEAP money's gonna cover it.
i miss graphics. and mr stinnett.
the gathering is 2 days away.
theyre leaving tomorrow night.
=[ im gonna miss troy
ash and lisas bday party is monday-tues
excited for thaat.
theyre gonna be 18. well, lisa is today.
idk, i think thats all.
was in a posting mood.
kbyee
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(make it snow)
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| ... |
[Saturday, July 21st, 2007 @ 1:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
is it weird that my boyfriend's bestfriend's sister is bestfriends with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend?
thats a lot of words, and, i think its weird.. it actually kinda sucks..
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(make it snow)
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| hmmm.. |
[Thursday, June 14th, 2007 @ 9:17am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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we really havent gotten much grad party stuff figured out.
-my dad got a tent
-we're bringing the hot dogs and hamburgers, and the crystal light =]
-ashleys bringing chips
-devon may bring cheesey potatoes.
-thats all.
our pool liner broke so we had to get a new one
its cool and i like it
i want to get out of michigan and i want to go somewhere warm.
maybe like hawaii or something..
went to al's softball game yesterday.
thought i saw ashley and erin watching in the stands.
i miss erin.
ash and i wonder if she misses us..
i had an interview at kohls.
they said theyd call/mail something within a week
its been a week and 2 days.
i hope i hear from them soon..
i think thats all for now, kbye.
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(make it snow)
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