~♥KatieRae♥~

Wed, 27 May 2009 20:56:31 GMT

i knew how this day was going to end up before it even started.

so

Wed, 27 May 2009 16:20:17 GMT

im very bored.
its very nice out.
ive been working on homework all morning but i really dont want to do any more

today i dont have to work and i dont have class til 6.
nadir too. but hes at wayne studying, i think. i texted him but he hasnt said anything back. that was like a half hour ago..
aggravating. i just wanted to spend my day off with him. cuddling or something. or shopping. i just like to be with him. idk if he understands..idk if he feels the same way. its probably just be over-analyzing like i always do. i think about him all the time.

so the summer semester is about half over. after this class i'll have my associates in GRD..from OCC. im so scared. i feel like no one takes OCC seriously. what if i just wasted 2 years of my life. and all the hard work. what if after i get my degree, nobody wants me?

and now im crying. great.

but i went through the whole program. i should feel like ive accomplished something but i dont. i feel like i dont even like it anymore. i dont know what im going to do..

i see nadir and erin and adryan and kevin and other people.. theyve got their whole thing layed out for them. they take these classes, they earn this degree, they work in this place of business. if theyre not good enough then they just learn more and theyll get hired. i feel like you cant prove that youve "learned" how to design. theres no right way, no right answer. and who decides if youre good enough or not? what is "good enough" anyway?

nadir has his life planned. this and this and this is what i need to do in order to be a pharmacist. there is a road. there is a pathway for him to go down. he works in the field. hes basically set up to be great. and here i sit. i look lazy. he asks me what im doing next year and every time i say "i really dont know" because i dont. and i feel like it hurts our relationship. cuz his future is like secure i guess. and i have no idea what mine looks like. and he cant see himself with someone who has no drive or future. i know that. i feel the same way. but how do i get to where i want to be?

i want to be with him. he said our futures are more important than our relationship.. which makes me feel great, right? idk. i mean i understand. we both have to be successful and if our relationship is holding us back, then we need to not be in it. but i dont want to not be in it. i dont want to lose him.

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 05:16:43 GMT

im in such a crappy mood
found some things out about someone
which dont even matter, really.
so im wondering why i feel so hurt.
like i want to vomit. or cry.
but i have no reason to feel the way i do
im just so grossed out.
but it doesnt realy matter.
so why do i care?

someone tell me.

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 08:19:25 GMT

ive become a girl i told myself id never ever in my life turn into.

i decided what i want to be for halloween

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 02:35:32 GMT

im gonna be a fairy princess.
or a barbie.
or a ladybug.
or tinkerbell.

crap.

its been awhile..

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 14:20:59 GMT

so my hatchetman undies definetly do have magical powers.
that day i posted that i was wearing them, troy came home early from the gathering.
i was in shock.
haha i opened the door, saw him, and shut it.
i guess i didnt believe he was actually there =]
but he was =] =]
good thing too cuz i was goin crazy.

we went camping for ashley and lisas bday
some parts sucked
some parts were hilarious
like tryin to set up that damn tent
haha we were laughing the whole time
and we cooked a pizza =] it was good
and there were scary maybe-tutles in the lake.

idk that theres more to write.
my dad comes home sunday!
which is good cuz i miss him
but i kinda like the on my own thing.
eh, whatevv.

i think my hatchet man undies have magical powers.

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 18:47:07 GMT

i wore them today hoping to channel troy
it worked
he called
yay =]

troy said its really hot there
and the concerts are good
he has a surprise for me =]
and i was like did you meet shaggy 2 dope? and he was like kinda.
hehee
christ has lost his voice haha he sounded like an old man
i want to lose my voice.

its was easy to go from not doing anything all day to hanging out with troy every day
but it sucks to reverse everything
what would i ever do without him?
i guess i would post on livejournal several times a day, thats what.

im actually getting kindof upset..

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 10:53:17 GMT

its now been 2 days since ive talked to troy

im holding up better than i thought i would..odd..

yeah i survived without him for 2 weeks when i went to europe

but i called him (at least) 2 times a day, every day.

christ has called kacie..why hasnt troy called me?

and when i say 2 days, i mean nothing, not even a text.

christ hasnt even texted me, which isnt surprising since hes not my bf..

but last night i texted him asking if they were even alive.

i mean come on, give me something

i have no life.

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:49:02 GMT

i guess on a lighter note..

i got my adobe CS3 programs.
they were $600
thank you michigan =]

and im finally happy with my layout
ive been changing it so much
we'll see how long this one lasts.

p.s. i still havent heard from troy.

im sad =[

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 22:55:49 GMT

Troy is in illinois and i havent even gotten a text from him in over a day.

hes not getting a cell signal or anything

i miss him alot

christ is able to text but not always able to call apparently

i asked if troy could use his phone to call me later and he said maybe..

i wish i could talk to troy. even a text from him saying i love you or i miss you or something. just something to let me know hes thinking of me..

im so bored. ashley's up north and my dads not even here to keep me company.. i wish there was someone..

this sucks.

eeeeeeh!!

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 15:09:58 GMT

IM GETTING MY ADOBE PROGRAMS TODAYYY!!!!! =] =] =]

=[ and troys leaving for the gathering.

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:26:00 GMT

i feel mostly all better now. less..crap-like..

my dad's in cali for 2 weeks
hes actually letting me stay by myself.
had a bonfire last night with troy and kacie and christ
and me and kacie went swimming, it was pretty cold =/
haha i had to make the fire cuz christ's never made one without lighter fluid

im excited for my birthday..idk why.
christ suggested we all go to canada.
idk if it was a real suggestion but i think itd be fun.
im gonna be nineteen! =] that means i can drink in canada
even though i wont lol. designated driver!
i miss canada cuz we didnt go on the 4th of july
i wanna go to point pelee.

OCC is starting soon.
have english on the 30th
need to get my books. tomorrow ill go.
im so excited cuz im getting my adobe programs tomorrow too!
the MEAP money's gonna cover it.
i miss graphics. and mr stinnett.

the gathering is 2 days away.
theyre leaving tomorrow night.
=[ im gonna miss troy
ash and lisas bday party is monday-tues
excited for thaat.
theyre gonna be 18. well, lisa is today.

idk, i think thats all.
was in a posting mood.
kbyee

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 04:24:52 GMT

i feel like crap.

...

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 05:35:52 GMT

is it weird that my boyfriend's bestfriend's sister is bestfriends with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend?

thats a lot of words, and, i think its weird.. it actually kinda sucks..

hmmm..

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:19:28 GMT

we really havent gotten much grad party stuff figured out.
-my dad got a tent
-we're bringing the hot dogs and hamburgers, and the crystal light =]
-ashleys bringing chips
-devon may bring cheesey potatoes.
-thats all.

our pool liner broke so we had to get a new one
its cool and i like it

i want to get out of michigan and i want to go somewhere warm.
maybe like hawaii or something..

went to al's softball game yesterday.
thought i saw ashley and erin watching in the stands.
i miss erin.
ash and i wonder if she misses us..

i had an interview at kohls.
they said theyd call/mail something within a week
its been a week and 2 days.
i hope i hear from them soon..

i think thats all for now, kbye.

Thu, 03 May 2007 03:29:10 GMT

prom
-hemming lady messed up my dress, its shorter on the sides
-bought extra netting to make my dress fuller in the skirt
-saw pics of our limo its sweet =]
-cant decide if i want my hair up or down for prom

other
-meeting friday about grad party
-none of us are on the same wavelength
-i never get to hang out with my best friend anymore it seems
-im sad that theres like less than 20 days of school. im gonna miss graphics and mr stinnett
-im gonna miss band too, and all my school friends
-senior class tshirt is CRAP! unless it looks different than on the sheet, i will be silk screening my own.
-got a thing in the mail for senior athlete banquet. not looking forward to it but hey, free tshirt =]
-varisty tennis is getting tshirts for being OAA champs =] and it has my name on the back
-they spelt my name wrong on the senior mug. no biggie, as long as its not kaitlyn, im okay.
-DO NOT EVER CALL ME KAITLYN, I WILL GET UPSET.

i think thats all have a nice day

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 02:16:03 GMT

updates:
-got a car, black 99 grand am, its saweeet =] hehe im happy
-jenny is gonna most likely buy mine off me
-had a fake interview and was literally shaking the whole time
-got an application for speedy tees on woodward. that would be a fun job.
-submitted 2 pictures for senior video
-sarahs thingie is tomorrow and im still excited =]

i think thats it

things have gotten done! =]

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 01:26:39 GMT

lets start with prom
my dress is being hemmed.
we got troy his tux.
i set up my hair appt.
screw getting my nails done, who really cares anyway.
we booked a limo with jamie's cousin.
picture stuff has been decided.
seating is taken care of.
i have my ticket (got mine and troys free =]).

other events
spring break was a lot of fun.
brittany is going into the army.
christ and kacie got back together.
looking for a car since mine is about to fall apart.
selling it for $1000 if you want it, let me know.
sarah is having a thingie next saturday and im excited.
huge friends grad party date has been set (july 7 fyi).
we're getting a moon bounce =].
my dad is letting me look for a job.
and im starting to feel like life after high school wont be so scary after all.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 22:49:48 GMT

hmm. idk. i feel like posting but not much has gone on lately..

i got my dress for prom. its not the one i wanted real bad but its pretty and pink so im excited. i guess..

im excited for prom..but not as excited as i used to be for some reason. idk why but now its just like..ok whatever. we still havent figured out like anything. and its bothering me because i like to have things done and ready to go so i dont get stressed. i hate being stressed.

brittany seems to be like me though about everything. like the "we need to do things now" frame of mind.

i need to get my dress hemmed and my hair appt set up. its dumb that prom day is a school day. LAME. i need a nail appt, limo situation figured out, seating, pictures, agh. im not good at dealing with things as they come, it needs to be done now or soon! eeh.

k i think thats all..im bored.

there was a bump in the road but its cleared up now.

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 11:29:32 GMT

so i am happy again.

i went prom dress shopping with britt and her mom and troy yesterday. it was a lot of fun and i found this AMAAZING dress but its 329 =[ idk if ill be able to get it but i hope we will cuz i love it!

those friend pages for the yearbook are due MONDAY! i didnt even know about them til yesterday! and so i think we're having a get-together to make one up. idk how big itll be, $250 for a full page is lotso mulah. i was talking to ashley and we agreed that we think erin should be in it. cuz even though we dont really talk anymore, she was still a major part of all of our lives. so erin, im sorry for all the crap. i hate losing a friend and i wish it hadnt happened. and the silly thing was, we both believed her.

well i need to get ready for school.

ive noticed something.

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 15:04:50 GMT

i think i found reason for all my bad moods.

okso. yesterday troy and i went to my moms for dinner at 6 cuz thats what i do sat-tues. i was in a good mood before i got there and while i was there, my good mood turned into grumpy bad mood.

then me and troy went to buy fruit at meijer and i got in a good mood again cuz i love fruit and shopping. then i went to my dads and put the fruit away and was in a happy mood.

then we left and went to troys and on the way there my mom called about something that didnt have a point and i got in a bad mood.

we got to troys and he cheered me up and everything was good. i had to leave at 12 so i did and when i got home my mom was nagging me about something i dont even remember what it is, and guess what, my mood turned grumpy. i slept it off.

this morning: i woke up at 8:00 to the sound of my mom getting ready for church. and i went to do my chores so i could get out of there and she started nagging me about putting away the dishes which i hadnt gotten to yet because i was vaccuuming the damn carpet. and when i got to the dishes, the dishwasher was so full that i could barely take anything out of it. everything was like stuck in.

i asked my mom why it was so full and she said because we use dishes to eat. (my mom is one person. she doesnt eat breakfast and idk what she does for lunch. me and troy eat there at most 3 times a week for dinner only. theres no reason why there should be that many dishes.) there were freakin tupperware containers up to wazoo which i dont understand because who uses like 20 tupperwares in one week!?

i was like mom i hate doing this! and she was like me too, why do you think i make you do it!? UGH!

so ive decided my mom is the root of my bad moods. and it sucks because im required by law to be with her 1/2 the time. i hate this!

and i know probably nobody will read this but i just wanted to vent. if you want to comment, thatd be nice to know that someone has read it lol

happy distraction time!

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 01:29:05 GMT

so im excited cuz my dad is actually considering letting me and some friends rent the house from him when he moves to california! yay im excited. it should be lots o fun if everything works outt!

also, ive decided that i want to go to OCC for my basic classes and take some graphics classes at MacombCC. i actually feel like i have a handle on my life right now. hopefully nothing ruins it!

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 03:56:05 GMT

everything. is. hopeless.

honestly i feel like i want to give up on everything. i get depressed, and then something happens that distracts me from it, and im perfect and happy, but then it just comes back. it always comes back.

when will it stop

recent stuff =)

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 02:27:33 GMT

1. im gonna be a bumblebee for halloween and im reall excited and eeh!! =D

2. homecoming is in like a week and i bought some stuff to try to help my hair curl so hopefully that works.

3. i got some stuff for me and troy's 1 year online and it came in but the one thing wasnt good so im exchanging it. 11 months is in 14ish days =) im excited for that too

4. troy proposed again this time he actually got on one knee. and he got me a new ring too cuz he said it bugged him that the other ring was half engagement and half birthday. so now this ones all engagement =) it was too big so im getting it resized. its really pretty and i love it and i love troy tooooo

5. john g played guitar for us today. hes like reeeally good. mr jensen played trombone with him and i was like =( i wanna play trombonee. lol cuz im actually decent at trombone

6. WINGS GAME TOMORROW AND KATIE EST EXCITEDDD!!

soo i think thats all. comments would be nice =) ttyl byee!

just kidding

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 20:19:37 GMT

i asked my dad why i only get 100 minutes when we have 400 to share
his answer? we have 500 not 400.

is it just me, or does this further prove my point?